When I was growing up,Jehova's Witnesses came to our house fairly frequently to pass out pamphlets and to gleefully inform my family that we were going to Hell. Much of the literature they gave out was very kid-friendly. It was usually easy to read ,brightly colored, and with interesting pictures. Jehova's Witness's literature,in retrospect, sort of seems like the Joe Camel of the religious world.
Once, when I was in second grade, they left a comic book that was a real page- turner. It featured a respectable looking man in a suit. Presumably,he was a successful businessman based on his attire and the car he drove. We'll call him Joe.
Well, Joe was ill-fated indeed. You see, Judgement Day was drawing near and Joe had been a bad boy, as all were soon to see. What happened was this: Jehova came down from the clouds and was most enraged. He was also ahead of the times technologically, as he had this HUGE, HD movie screen floating in thin air. The feature presentation was Joe's life. Joe soliciting a prostitute. Joe having a temper tantrum. That sort of thing.
Now,as if that weren't disturbing enough,the dead had risen and were part of the viewing audience. That's right. Watching poor Joe's misdeeds were not only hoards of guilty,sobbing, FRESH sinners,but also dead, rotting, putrid corpses! The most deliciously horrifying part of all was everyone knew that they too would soon enough have their turn on the big screen to be judged in front of Jehova and everyone else.
This little scenario penetrated my seven year- old brain and has lasted a lifetime. It affected my behavior as a child. Before committing some childhoood crime, I would stop and imagine myself shown on the big screen misbehaving. Even now, obviously,I still think about it. I imagine every terrible thing I've done shown to the world in Technicolor.
I think this, coupled with my alcoholic father's totally bizarre religious school of thought ( "Your body is a holy temple; never cut you fingernails on the Sabbath!!!") has made me the Kirk Cameron fearing person I am today. The people who have turned religion into a dark art are fascinatingly spooky!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Tripping with Dummies
This morning while trying to down just one cup of coffee before cooking breakfast, I was flipping through the tv channels. I stopped when I saw a pair of spectacularly spooky puppets and their fortyish looking woman ventriloquist who was dressed like a toddler. She had long,straight,red hair with bangs and was wearing a green and navy t-shirt under a matching navy jumper. Her dummies were so realistic looking that at first I thought they were real children painted to look like dolls and dressed very Victorian.
At first I was a little excited because I thought I had stumbled onto an episode of the Twilight Zone. Then I realized it was some kind of religious show. Ah, but of course! Anything religious and related to children has to be creepy!
I don't even know what the ventriloquist,who's name turned out to be Maralee Dawn, was talking about because I was lost in wondering whether she dressed herself or if someone in the wardrobe department went to Babies R Us and patterned Maralee's outfit after the fashions found there.
Suddenly,Maralee and her dolls are standing in front of a screen showing a swimming beluga whale . "Look!" gushed Maralee, while gazing adoringly at her girl doll, "It has five bony fingers just like YOOUUU!" Whatever. All I saw was a regular old fin or flipper or whatever those things have. Maybe it was a skeletal feature of the whale and Maralee has x-ray vision.
Then there's a wholesome looking astronaut couple rumaging through a wooden box. The chemistry between them was absolutely smoldering. The looks they gave each other could bring holy water to a boil and they seemed to have trouble keeping their hands off each other. I never did figure out what the point of those two were because I was imagining them ripping off their NASA-inspired jumpsuits and going at it while a horrified Maralee covered the eyes of her puppets.
Suddenly,there's a cartoon music video based on a verse from Timothy. It was kind of like those old School House Rock songs and showed a group of guys who sort of looked like the Beatles. They were singing a song about not letting people look down on you because you're young. They were underwater,surrounded by schools of fish, and their disembodied hands and feet floated around them while they performed. This show was like tripping on acid during Vacation Bible School!
Then Maralee was back with some woman and a granny puppet. The woman demonstrated how to make "bath fizzies". I was totally sucked in now,thinking that after I made pancakes,I would whip up some bath fizzies for my little daughters. I had everything to make them,too but some powdered citric acid and I don't think they sell that at our local Brookshires.
Maralee and her granny watched the demonstation and I noticed that while Maralee didn't do too bad speaking for her child puppets, the granny was British and Maralee couldn't do the accent with her mouth closed. Heh.
Alas, my eight year- old daughter interrupted my entertainment to remind me about breakfast. I was banished to the kitchen with visions of horny astronauts and hands and feet dancing in my head.
At first I was a little excited because I thought I had stumbled onto an episode of the Twilight Zone. Then I realized it was some kind of religious show. Ah, but of course! Anything religious and related to children has to be creepy!
I don't even know what the ventriloquist,who's name turned out to be Maralee Dawn, was talking about because I was lost in wondering whether she dressed herself or if someone in the wardrobe department went to Babies R Us and patterned Maralee's outfit after the fashions found there.
Suddenly,Maralee and her dolls are standing in front of a screen showing a swimming beluga whale . "Look!" gushed Maralee, while gazing adoringly at her girl doll, "It has five bony fingers just like YOOUUU!" Whatever. All I saw was a regular old fin or flipper or whatever those things have. Maybe it was a skeletal feature of the whale and Maralee has x-ray vision.
Then there's a wholesome looking astronaut couple rumaging through a wooden box. The chemistry between them was absolutely smoldering. The looks they gave each other could bring holy water to a boil and they seemed to have trouble keeping their hands off each other. I never did figure out what the point of those two were because I was imagining them ripping off their NASA-inspired jumpsuits and going at it while a horrified Maralee covered the eyes of her puppets.
Suddenly,there's a cartoon music video based on a verse from Timothy. It was kind of like those old School House Rock songs and showed a group of guys who sort of looked like the Beatles. They were singing a song about not letting people look down on you because you're young. They were underwater,surrounded by schools of fish, and their disembodied hands and feet floated around them while they performed. This show was like tripping on acid during Vacation Bible School!
Then Maralee was back with some woman and a granny puppet. The woman demonstrated how to make "bath fizzies". I was totally sucked in now,thinking that after I made pancakes,I would whip up some bath fizzies for my little daughters. I had everything to make them,too but some powdered citric acid and I don't think they sell that at our local Brookshires.
Maralee and her granny watched the demonstation and I noticed that while Maralee didn't do too bad speaking for her child puppets, the granny was British and Maralee couldn't do the accent with her mouth closed. Heh.
Alas, my eight year- old daughter interrupted my entertainment to remind me about breakfast. I was banished to the kitchen with visions of horny astronauts and hands and feet dancing in my head.
Crouching Tiger, Menacing Panda
I just had to get my first filling ever. I had put it off for a bit because I dreaded having to have the shot in my cheek to numb my mouth. I mean, c'mon! The tooth was giving me no trouble at all, it was just one tiny speck, way in the back where no one could see, and I would have to get a shot. IN MY MOUTH!!! After receiving the first shot to numb me, the dentist waited a few minutes to see if the shot "took". It did not. I got a round of laughing gas (is that what they still call it?) and felt nothing. The dentist had his hygenist crank it up a notch. Even then I felt little difference, but was concerned about taking it too far, so I didn't ask for it to be cranked up yet again,even though I wanted to. Then another mouth-numbing shot for me and more gas, as it turned out.
Perched on a shelf high above me were a stuffed tiger and panda. I never felt happy after all the gas, as the dentist insisted I would. However, the more I breathed in the gas, the more menacing that panda looked. He was sort of leaned over and peering down at me and looking me square in the eye. I didn't care for it in the least. The tiger, at least, had the good manners to keep his eyes averted as I rinsed and spit in a very unladylike fashion. Its hard to be prim while spitting in a tiny sink with a numb and huge- feeling mouth.
The longer I had to inhale gas while waiting for the shots to take effect, the more that idiot panda seemed to loom. I've never even noticed him before when I was at the dentist myself,or with my kids, but suddenly he seemed to assume a life of his own. I wanted to tell the dentist that his panda was freaking me out and to ask him to face it in another direction but I had the presence of mind to know how loony that would make me sound.
My husband, unfortunately has a deer head hanging on the living room wall. My kids despise it and say its eyes follow them around the room. I always thought it was rather silly of them. Now, after getting pumped full of drugs and having to stare at that panda, I sympathize even less. Next time they complain, I'll tell them, "If you think that's bad, let me tell you about this panda I met..." I mean, at least no one puts gas masks over their noses, shoves needles in their cheeks, and THEN forces them to stare into horrifyingly life-like glass eyes. Eyes that long to posses you and steal your soul...
Perched on a shelf high above me were a stuffed tiger and panda. I never felt happy after all the gas, as the dentist insisted I would. However, the more I breathed in the gas, the more menacing that panda looked. He was sort of leaned over and peering down at me and looking me square in the eye. I didn't care for it in the least. The tiger, at least, had the good manners to keep his eyes averted as I rinsed and spit in a very unladylike fashion. Its hard to be prim while spitting in a tiny sink with a numb and huge- feeling mouth.
The longer I had to inhale gas while waiting for the shots to take effect, the more that idiot panda seemed to loom. I've never even noticed him before when I was at the dentist myself,or with my kids, but suddenly he seemed to assume a life of his own. I wanted to tell the dentist that his panda was freaking me out and to ask him to face it in another direction but I had the presence of mind to know how loony that would make me sound.
My husband, unfortunately has a deer head hanging on the living room wall. My kids despise it and say its eyes follow them around the room. I always thought it was rather silly of them. Now, after getting pumped full of drugs and having to stare at that panda, I sympathize even less. Next time they complain, I'll tell them, "If you think that's bad, let me tell you about this panda I met..." I mean, at least no one puts gas masks over their noses, shoves needles in their cheeks, and THEN forces them to stare into horrifyingly life-like glass eyes. Eyes that long to posses you and steal your soul...
Bresh Yo Teef!
Bresh Yo Teef!
I live in a cultural wasteland. The summers stretch out endlessly and we locals have to take what meager offerings we can get if we want an educational outing for our children. Thus is the reason I was at our library's Summer Reading Program yesterday listening to a lecture on the benefits of dairy products.
The program is intended for children from first to fourth grade, if I'm not mistaken. Once a week we go and my children record the books they've read for the week, check out new books,and then go into an ampitheater-like room to see the week's demonstration. Last week's guest was an aging pirate concerned with the plundering of the earth and seas.
This week's lecturer,we'll call her Mrs. D, had a thick regional accent and arrived from our local "Fo'-H building". She was a lovely older lady and seemed passionate about children getting the proper "nucritions", a topic that I,too find worthy. She began with visual aids including various Zip-Lock bags filled with different amounts of foam peanuts. These were to demonstrate how much calciums peoples have in they bones at different ages.
"What other parts of the body do peoples need calcium fo'?" she inquired of the children. "Strong!" piped up one exuberant young man." Milk!" yelled another. While Mrs. D. agreed that these were fine guesses, she went on to say that 'teef' was the answer she was looking for. She explained that the age group present should be especially concerned with dental care. " When peoples is six to eight years old they staht to shed they teef." I grinned and mouthed the word "shed" to my 9 year-old son sitting next to me and he responded by giving me a stern look and putting his finger over his lips.
"Now", Mrs. D continued," Who is it that we jus' can't stand? Who is it that we just hates to go see? The DENTIST! Even so,its very impo'tant that we visit him. Its also impo'tant that you what? BRESH YO TEEF!" These things along with proper calcium intake would guarantee a healthy smile and avoidance of dentures. One child raised his hand to say that all his grandma's teeth had fallen out. He wondered if she were in danger of getting cavities in her "fake teeth".
The knowledgeable Mrs. D. assured the child that his grandmother's dentures was safe as long as she be soakin' 'em in that Efferdent. This led her seamlessly to a quick overview of bone health for the elderly. " You know when you be seein' the womens and they be all walkin hunckered over? " she asked "Well, that's that OSTEO-SPO-ROSIS!" ,she informed
After some brief discussion on lactose intolerance and the danger of the gas that such a malady presented, Mrs. D gave us some good examples of dairy foods to choose from. She ended her fine demonstration with the showing of an antiquated poster of the food pyramid and we were dismissed. All in all it was an entertaining and informative afternoon.
I live in a cultural wasteland. The summers stretch out endlessly and we locals have to take what meager offerings we can get if we want an educational outing for our children. Thus is the reason I was at our library's Summer Reading Program yesterday listening to a lecture on the benefits of dairy products.
The program is intended for children from first to fourth grade, if I'm not mistaken. Once a week we go and my children record the books they've read for the week, check out new books,and then go into an ampitheater-like room to see the week's demonstration. Last week's guest was an aging pirate concerned with the plundering of the earth and seas.
This week's lecturer,we'll call her Mrs. D, had a thick regional accent and arrived from our local "Fo'-H building". She was a lovely older lady and seemed passionate about children getting the proper "nucritions", a topic that I,too find worthy. She began with visual aids including various Zip-Lock bags filled with different amounts of foam peanuts. These were to demonstrate how much calciums peoples have in they bones at different ages.
"What other parts of the body do peoples need calcium fo'?" she inquired of the children. "Strong!" piped up one exuberant young man." Milk!" yelled another. While Mrs. D. agreed that these were fine guesses, she went on to say that 'teef' was the answer she was looking for. She explained that the age group present should be especially concerned with dental care. " When peoples is six to eight years old they staht to shed they teef." I grinned and mouthed the word "shed" to my 9 year-old son sitting next to me and he responded by giving me a stern look and putting his finger over his lips.
"Now", Mrs. D continued," Who is it that we jus' can't stand? Who is it that we just hates to go see? The DENTIST! Even so,its very impo'tant that we visit him. Its also impo'tant that you what? BRESH YO TEEF!" These things along with proper calcium intake would guarantee a healthy smile and avoidance of dentures. One child raised his hand to say that all his grandma's teeth had fallen out. He wondered if she were in danger of getting cavities in her "fake teeth".
The knowledgeable Mrs. D. assured the child that his grandmother's dentures was safe as long as she be soakin' 'em in that Efferdent. This led her seamlessly to a quick overview of bone health for the elderly. " You know when you be seein' the womens and they be all walkin hunckered over? " she asked "Well, that's that OSTEO-SPO-ROSIS!" ,she informed
After some brief discussion on lactose intolerance and the danger of the gas that such a malady presented, Mrs. D gave us some good examples of dairy foods to choose from. She ended her fine demonstration with the showing of an antiquated poster of the food pyramid and we were dismissed. All in all it was an entertaining and informative afternoon.
Driving Me Crazy!
One irritant of being a mom is that you can no longer drive in peace. The days of just zoning out and listening to the music or following a radio talk show are over, at least with the kids in the car. There's something about my having a steering wheel in front of me that urges my children to not only ask me a gazillion questions, but to tell me the details of every dream they've had,the strategies for every video game defeat, the plot of every SpongeBob ever watched. I usually don't like to drive and avoiding a crash while being quizzed on Every Subject Imaginable stresses me out.
What's also annoying is how they've become back seat drivers. Especially Stevie. She's a nazi when it comes to obeying traffic laws and she'll reprimand a driver in a heartbeat. Once, while driving in the much-dreaded Shreveport traffic in a downpour, I had been questioned practically to the point of tears. While going through a light, I hear a very stern "MOM!" from Stevie, in the backseat. " That light was yellow and it turned RED while you were going under it!" I told her it would be ok, then Tori worried that someone would call the police from their cell phone. Because I'm such an outlaw,you know. Stevie comforted her by saying that I never get tickets like Daddy does,that even if the police were to come, "They never give mama tickets because she uses her manners". At that time,Daniel had been given a couple of tickets within a week or two but the kids weren't with him. Odd that they assumed he didn't use his manners.
Today,the subject at hand was a neighbor's one-eyed chihuahua. Its always wandering around in the mornings and it ambled in front of my car earlier forcing me to stop and wait for it to move. The inquisition began immediately:
"Mama, does that dog have only one eye? If he does,his name is Kipper.
Does that hole hurt,mama?
Why DID his eye fall out,anyway?
Mom, do they know where his other eye even IS?"
As though the missing eye is just rolling around in their kitchen's junk drawer.
What's also annoying is how they've become back seat drivers. Especially Stevie. She's a nazi when it comes to obeying traffic laws and she'll reprimand a driver in a heartbeat. Once, while driving in the much-dreaded Shreveport traffic in a downpour, I had been questioned practically to the point of tears. While going through a light, I hear a very stern "MOM!" from Stevie, in the backseat. " That light was yellow and it turned RED while you were going under it!" I told her it would be ok, then Tori worried that someone would call the police from their cell phone. Because I'm such an outlaw,you know. Stevie comforted her by saying that I never get tickets like Daddy does,that even if the police were to come, "They never give mama tickets because she uses her manners". At that time,Daniel had been given a couple of tickets within a week or two but the kids weren't with him. Odd that they assumed he didn't use his manners.
Today,the subject at hand was a neighbor's one-eyed chihuahua. Its always wandering around in the mornings and it ambled in front of my car earlier forcing me to stop and wait for it to move. The inquisition began immediately:
"Mama, does that dog have only one eye? If he does,his name is Kipper.
Does that hole hurt,mama?
Why DID his eye fall out,anyway?
Mom, do they know where his other eye even IS?"
As though the missing eye is just rolling around in their kitchen's junk drawer.
The Secret to Finding (and being) a Good Mother-in-Law
Relationships with mothers-in-law are famous for being rocky,if not impossible. My relationship with my own MIL is turbulent,at best. I've long been interested in why this is so, as I'm fascinated with people and why they do the things they do.
When my sisters began dating seriously and would complain about their boyfriends' moms, I became even more interested. Our homelife was a little odd and we all came out of there with trust issues and sometimes with chips on our shoulders. I often wondered if our dealings with the moms of our men were so unpleasant because the women themselves really were unmanageable,or if it were something we brought on ourselves due to our suspiciousness and lack of social skills in those areas.
Then one of my sisters became involved with a guy who has a mother she is absolutely smitten with. My sister does lots of things with this woman because she actually wants to-not out of any sense of obligation. Of course this sent my curiousity into overdrive. I now had a sort of experimental in the control group that was my other three sisters and myself. What factor existed that caused the one sister to actually find a mom of a love interest tolerable? She had the same background as the other three of us, so I could theoretically study my sister and figure out if the problem in MIL sorts of relationships was Us or Them!
After listening closely to my sisters when they complained and also analyzing the thorns my own MIL had ground into my side, combined with studying the things my sister enjoyed about her boyfriend's mom, I had my conclusion: The good mom of the boyfriend has DAUGHTERS whereas all of the less pleasant moms only have sons!
It made perfect sense! The daughterless moms had no real sense of boundaries. For instance,they would assume a deep friendship that hadn't had time to develop. This caused them to be inappropriately heavy with the TMI and pushy in wanting to spend time together. They also wanted to gush a bunch of phony I -love-you's practically after the first date. Plus, they would get snappy and try to give instructions on how to best take care of their "babies". Also,not to sound materialistic,but the sons-only moms would give the strangest gifts (used lingerie,anyone?.
Since the more agreeable mother had a daughter built right into her family, she didn't have a need to force the mother/daughter relationship. She could curb her enthusiasm,if there even was any,and just be cool. A bonus: she gives exceptional gifts-she knows what girls like. After further analysis,it dawned on me that one sister even has a step-MIL that she adores,who has the same qualities and gift-giving skills. Guess what? This step-mom has a daughter! Further proof! Of course some people are simply more pleasant than others but I still think I'm on to something.
Now,to my readers who have sons only,keep this in mind and try not to be creepy when they start dating. And to you single ladies: Only date guys with sisters! You can all thank me later! :)
When my sisters began dating seriously and would complain about their boyfriends' moms, I became even more interested. Our homelife was a little odd and we all came out of there with trust issues and sometimes with chips on our shoulders. I often wondered if our dealings with the moms of our men were so unpleasant because the women themselves really were unmanageable,or if it were something we brought on ourselves due to our suspiciousness and lack of social skills in those areas.
Then one of my sisters became involved with a guy who has a mother she is absolutely smitten with. My sister does lots of things with this woman because she actually wants to-not out of any sense of obligation. Of course this sent my curiousity into overdrive. I now had a sort of experimental in the control group that was my other three sisters and myself. What factor existed that caused the one sister to actually find a mom of a love interest tolerable? She had the same background as the other three of us, so I could theoretically study my sister and figure out if the problem in MIL sorts of relationships was Us or Them!
After listening closely to my sisters when they complained and also analyzing the thorns my own MIL had ground into my side, combined with studying the things my sister enjoyed about her boyfriend's mom, I had my conclusion: The good mom of the boyfriend has DAUGHTERS whereas all of the less pleasant moms only have sons!
It made perfect sense! The daughterless moms had no real sense of boundaries. For instance,they would assume a deep friendship that hadn't had time to develop. This caused them to be inappropriately heavy with the TMI and pushy in wanting to spend time together. They also wanted to gush a bunch of phony I -love-you's practically after the first date. Plus, they would get snappy and try to give instructions on how to best take care of their "babies". Also,not to sound materialistic,but the sons-only moms would give the strangest gifts (used lingerie,anyone?.
Since the more agreeable mother had a daughter built right into her family, she didn't have a need to force the mother/daughter relationship. She could curb her enthusiasm,if there even was any,and just be cool. A bonus: she gives exceptional gifts-she knows what girls like. After further analysis,it dawned on me that one sister even has a step-MIL that she adores,who has the same qualities and gift-giving skills. Guess what? This step-mom has a daughter! Further proof! Of course some people are simply more pleasant than others but I still think I'm on to something.
Now,to my readers who have sons only,keep this in mind and try not to be creepy when they start dating. And to you single ladies: Only date guys with sisters! You can all thank me later! :)
Saturday, November 22, 2008
How Louis L'Amour and the Apes Changed My Views on Men
I always understood men to be of a very simple nature requiring nothing more than food,sex,and perhaps a hobby of some sort to keep them happy and content. In fact,through no fault of my husband as I had this view long before he entered the picture, I had this idea of men as being more animal than human and having little more than things of a sexual nature cross their radar screens at all. " Me need woman! Ok... now me need sandwich!"
Awhile back,though, the Universe sent me some literature to rearrange my way of thinking. Actually, the Universe sent me my educational literature via my friends, Clint and Lora.
My first eye opener was in the form of Louis L'Amour books that Clint brought to me. My grandmother used to read the cheesiest of romance novels (bodice rippers) that had parts that in my opinion,were a little too racy for my Jamaw to be reading, . In fact,in every single novel,the whole plot existed only to lead up to the highly descriptive "love scenes". I dug into the Louis L'amour books with eager curiousity because I assumed they were the same sort of book but from a male point of view. I assumed that the plot would also lead up to something of a naughty nature but minus all the lovey,sappy, nonsense. Understand that I wasn't hoping to get some sort of jolly from reading the books; I just wanted to know how a male would spin the whole romance genre.
The first line in the first book read: "When I saw that black-eyed woman a-looking at me I wished I had a bible." Boy,that Louis was diving right in, wasting no time on descriptions of scenery,location,or the character's background! Alas,that was as naughty as he ever got. The entire book had far less to do with the black-eyed woman than with the character's (I don't think the reader was ever even given his name) difficulty with transferring some gold across the desert. It was stictly about the character meeting his goal, peppered with danger and fight scenes. In the case of "light reading", looks like women are the more sexually-oriented ones.
My second revelation came from an issue of a Scientific American Mind magazine from a stack that Lora brought to me ( It makes me happy that my friends come bearing gifts of reading material). In an article from one of the magazines, I read about a psychologist and her colleagues who wanted to "dissect desire". They guaged the level of arousal in 100 homo and hetorsexual men and women by having them watch erotic film clips.
The clips depicted various um...activities including same-sex and,solitary activities,nude exercises,and mating between apes (bonobos,specifically). To my absolute astonishment, the women's level of interest,to be delicate,increased with the intensity of the sexual level of the activities regardless of who or what was participating. The women totally didn't care WHAT was going on onscreen! The gay women were slightly more particular,not reacting at all to the scenes involving men. They reacted to the apes just like the straight women,mind you,but not the men The straight women reacted to men, other women,whatever.. The men reacted only to the scenes involving people of their preferred category of partner. No apes. No nude exersices of the non-preferred sex.
Again,the women were more sexually oriented than the men,who were alot more particular. The guys seem to have gotten a bad rap. Maybe they do only need food,sex,and sports to keep them content but based on my readings, it seems they're more discriminating and can,in fact,have other things on their minds.
Awhile back,though, the Universe sent me some literature to rearrange my way of thinking. Actually, the Universe sent me my educational literature via my friends, Clint and Lora.
My first eye opener was in the form of Louis L'Amour books that Clint brought to me. My grandmother used to read the cheesiest of romance novels (bodice rippers) that had parts that in my opinion,were a little too racy for my Jamaw to be reading, . In fact,in every single novel,the whole plot existed only to lead up to the highly descriptive "love scenes". I dug into the Louis L'amour books with eager curiousity because I assumed they were the same sort of book but from a male point of view. I assumed that the plot would also lead up to something of a naughty nature but minus all the lovey,sappy, nonsense. Understand that I wasn't hoping to get some sort of jolly from reading the books; I just wanted to know how a male would spin the whole romance genre.
The first line in the first book read: "When I saw that black-eyed woman a-looking at me I wished I had a bible." Boy,that Louis was diving right in, wasting no time on descriptions of scenery,location,or the character's background! Alas,that was as naughty as he ever got. The entire book had far less to do with the black-eyed woman than with the character's (I don't think the reader was ever even given his name) difficulty with transferring some gold across the desert. It was stictly about the character meeting his goal, peppered with danger and fight scenes. In the case of "light reading", looks like women are the more sexually-oriented ones.
My second revelation came from an issue of a Scientific American Mind magazine from a stack that Lora brought to me ( It makes me happy that my friends come bearing gifts of reading material). In an article from one of the magazines, I read about a psychologist and her colleagues who wanted to "dissect desire". They guaged the level of arousal in 100 homo and hetorsexual men and women by having them watch erotic film clips.
The clips depicted various um...activities including same-sex and,solitary activities,nude exercises,and mating between apes (bonobos,specifically). To my absolute astonishment, the women's level of interest,to be delicate,increased with the intensity of the sexual level of the activities regardless of who or what was participating. The women totally didn't care WHAT was going on onscreen! The gay women were slightly more particular,not reacting at all to the scenes involving men. They reacted to the apes just like the straight women,mind you,but not the men The straight women reacted to men, other women,whatever.. The men reacted only to the scenes involving people of their preferred category of partner. No apes. No nude exersices of the non-preferred sex.
Again,the women were more sexually oriented than the men,who were alot more particular. The guys seem to have gotten a bad rap. Maybe they do only need food,sex,and sports to keep them content but based on my readings, it seems they're more discriminating and can,in fact,have other things on their minds.
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