Tripping with Dummies

This morning while trying to down just one cup of coffee before cooking breakfast, I was flipping through the tv channels. I stopped when I saw a pair of spectacularly spooky puppets and their fortyish looking woman ventriloquist who was dressed like a toddler. She had long,straight,red hair with bangs and was wearing a green and navy t-shirt under a matching navy jumper. Her dummies were so realistic looking that at first I thought they were real children painted to look like dolls and dressed very Victorian.
At first I was a little excited because I thought I had stumbled onto an episode of the Twilight Zone. Then I realized it was some kind of religious show. Ah, but of course! Anything religious and related to children has to be creepy!
I don't even know what the ventriloquist,who's name turned out to be Maralee Dawn, was talking about because I was lost in wondering whether she dressed herself or if someone in the wardrobe department went to Babies R Us and patterned Maralee's outfit after the fashions found there.
Suddenly,Maralee and her dolls are standing in front of a screen showing a swimming beluga whale . "Look!" gushed Maralee, while gazing adoringly at her girl doll, "It has five bony fingers just like YOOUUU!" Whatever. All I saw was a regular old fin or flipper or whatever those things have. Maybe it was a skeletal feature of the whale and Maralee has x-ray vision.
Then there's a wholesome looking astronaut couple rumaging through a wooden box. The chemistry between them was absolutely smoldering. The looks they gave each other could bring holy water to a boil and they seemed to have trouble keeping their hands off each other. I never did figure out what the point of those two were because I was imagining them ripping off their NASA-inspired jumpsuits and going at it while a horrified Maralee covered the eyes of her puppets.
Suddenly,there's a cartoon music video based on a verse from Timothy. It was kind of like those old School House Rock songs and showed a group of guys who sort of looked like the Beatles. They were singing a song about not letting people look down on you because you're young. They were underwater,surrounded by schools of fish, and their disembodied hands and feet floated around them while they performed. This show was like tripping on acid during Vacation Bible School!
Then Maralee was back with some woman and a granny puppet. The woman demonstrated how to make "bath fizzies". I was totally sucked in now,thinking that after I made pancakes,I would whip up some bath fizzies for my little daughters. I had everything to make them,too but some powdered citric acid and I don't think they sell that at our local Brookshires.
Maralee and her granny watched the demonstation and I noticed that while Maralee didn't do too bad speaking for her child puppets, the granny was British and Maralee couldn't do the accent with her mouth closed. Heh.
Alas, my eight year- old daughter interrupted my entertainment to remind me about breakfast. I was banished to the kitchen with visions of horny astronauts and hands and feet dancing in my head.